Hi, this is God. I am guest posting on Some Church Stuff today, because I have an important message to give all of my followers, and I know you all read this blog, as it is my favorite and therefore your favorite too, I’m sure.
Tomorrow you will vote. I know there are lots of opinions out there as to who (or is it whom? I always get those mixed up, I never should have done that whole Tower of Babel thing, anyway…) you should vote for. I am here to tell you my final word on it, so that you know. Obama wants to kill babies and spread Islamic hate through America. Romney is basically like the son I never had. I mean, yeah I have Jesus, but he is like the son I do have, not like the son I never had, because, well, I have him (it’s easy to get sidetracked when you have existed for all eternity). So Romney is my man. I want him in office. He will do great things for me, like, improve the American economy, because that is the kinda stuff that makes me really happy. He will also help America gain energy independence. That is one of my top priorities because I hate the Middle East, obviously, which is why it is so hot and awful there, just like I hate Georgia and Mississippi and have cursed them with disgusting humidity and lots of hurricanes.
I know that I said all this stuff in the Bible about setting up a heavenly kingdom, and I know that Jesus didn’t seem to care at all about what the government was doing when he was living among you, but that was before I created America. America is awesome. Guns and Freedom and mostly white people, just the way I like it. Lets keep it that way. I may never need to set up my Heavenly Kingdom at all, now that I have America. Forget the love your neighbor and turn the other cheek stuff, I am more interested in traditional marriage and corporate bailouts.
So, if you love me, God, you will vote with me this Tuesday to get my man, Romney into office.
Also, as a side note, I am now good with Mormonism.