vote for me – God
Hi, this is God. I am guest posting on Some Church Stuff today, because I have an important message to give all of my followers, and I know you all read this blog, as it is my favorite and therefore your favorite too, I’m sure.
Tomorrow you will vote. I know there are lots of opinions out there as to who (or is it whom? I always get those mixed up, I never should have done that whole Tower of Babel thing, anyway…) you should vote for. I am here to tell you my final word on it, so that you know. Obama wants to kill babies and spread Islamic hate through America. Romney is basically like the son I never had. I mean, yeah I have Jesus, but he is like the son I do have, not like the son I never had, because, well, I have him (it’s easy to get sidetracked when you have existed for all eternity). So Romney is my man. I want him in office. He will do great things for me, like, improve the American economy, because that is the kinda stuff that makes me really happy. He will also help America gain energy independence. That is one of my top priorities because I hate the Middle East, obviously, which is why it is so hot and awful there, just like I hate Georgia and Mississippi and have cursed them with disgusting humidity and lots of hurricanes.
I know that I said all this stuff in the Bible about setting up a heavenly kingdom, and I know that Jesus didn’t seem to care at all about what the government was doing when he was living among you, but that was before I created America. America is awesome. Guns and Freedom and mostly white people, just the way I like it. Lets keep it that way. I may never need to set up my Heavenly Kingdom at all, now that I have America. Forget the love your neighbor and turn the other cheek stuff, I am more interested in traditional marriage and corporate bailouts.
So, if you love me, God, you will vote with me this Tuesday to get my man, Romney into office.
Also, as a side note, I am now good with Mormonism.
I was wondering who to vote for! Thanks for clearing everything up.
You are very welcome Fred, I knew you needed this, which is why I asked Dan to post it for me.
WTF! God, you’re such a liar! Romney SUCKS, Obama RULES! Yeah, vote for Romney if you want to be poor and miserable… Obama will give you all free stuff and make you happy and live forever!
Satan, why you gotta go trolling my posts!?! If anyone needed a reason not to vote for Obama, as if killing babies wasn’t enough, clearly when you vote for Obama you are voting for Satan’s man! Go team God, go team Romney!
Hey God,
Aren’t you big enough to put whoever you want in office? Why do you need my vote? Oh, and by the way, why did your guy loose? Just asking, please don’t crush me like a bug or send an awful plague my way.
Well Little Man you should be very careful when you question me. If I don’t have a good answer, I may just smite you to avoid the issue, but in this case you are ok, because I have an easy answer. You humans have a saying “Vote, and leave the rest to God.” Obviously, that means that I can only pick up where you leave off, you all voted against me, so there was nothing I could do about it, I’ll just take care of the rest, by doing things like sending more destructive weather to your east coast in the next couple of days. Enjoy that!
I would recommend that you not question my judgment on this anymore, you are treading a dangerous line.
Hey! You told me that I would be president! What’s up with that?
M-Rom
You blew it, man, I set it all up for you and you blew it, not my fault!
He told me that I would be president, too. Bazinga!
B.O.
Barack, that was a private convo between the two of us. These people are not smart enough to understand the difference between my spoken will and my actual will. Also, you are going to get Mitt thinking you are my favorite, and you know how he can get all pissy about stuff like that.
Lord? LOL
This is awesome! I love that Jesus converted to mormonism.
Hold up there, buddy, that was my dad, not me! I am def not converting to Mormonism, what do you take me for, some kinda sellout? I mean, they don’t even think I am God, you think I’m about to take a demotion? Not gonna happen!
Welcome to the fold Joshua! Your dad spoke very highly of you and we expect good things from you. Your orientation pack has been sent via interoffice mail. Please be sure to provide three personal references and three forms of ID. At least one of the IDs need to include a picture. We have the Shroud of Torin on file but we would like an updated one. After your background check is complete you’ll be provided a new name and a super secret handshake. This isn’t a demotion but more of a transmission. We can chat about that God thing. Who knows, if your good enough we may be able to fast-track you to deity status.
No jesus was not a zombie !!!!!!!!!!!!!! From molly